Sunday, May 15, 2005

The Kidnapper Ran Away With Me ...

So, I sit here again, pondering of "what might have beens" and "what could bes." All these thoughts hold great audience in my mind at times like this. I find life an uphill battle with a downhill slant.

If you met me you'd probably say that I have everything that I want, and you might as well presume yourself as correct when it comes to material goods, but there is so much more that money cannot buy that I live in the ever present poverty of. Life on the outside, I present (or at least try to) in a positive look to others. I constantly think of how people think of me and I try to give myself a good light. Now, I know that this actully sounds shallow, but look at it this way: it's not shallow--it's me. Now, if it's me, then I am shallow, but then, what distingushes me from you, if what you are makes you and what I am makes me? You see, I'm not outgoing due to my "shallowness," which can come off as snobby, which I deeply regret, but again, this is me. If there is a point to that, comment, because I think there is, but I'm not sure. Now on to something more.

"Bring in the clowns!" Or should I say "welcome to my life?" I find that when I'm funny or at least attempt to be people like me better. I like to think that I can be soothing when a person is around me due to my personality. I think you'll find me to be meak in leadership, but strongly supportive. I'm opinionative but I usually follow a crowd with that opinion most times due to the wisdom that there is "strength in numbers." (A man with one acre farms for substance, but a man with many acres farms with profit.) Where'd that come from? Oh, well.

So, I don't want anyone to comment with, "It's much worse to be in a bad relationship" because most likely, even though you're being nice, you probably haven't been through what I've been through here, and if you have then you'll probably agree with me! So, get upset and get over it--we still have to live together!!! I want to be with someone. I'm a romanticizer; a hopeless romantic (who can't play his part); I've drempt to the point reality often finds its self blurred with reality in my head (as most cancers find themselves doing, by the way), but I've done this for over five years. I've been in a relationship with no one, been turned down by countless girls, 10+. Some have done it to my face, others by going around me, and yet others with no response at all. I don't know what is to hate of me other than to how I look (guess I'm ugly). I think I'm a good person, a likable person, a person of good moral values. I'm clean, curtious, and gentleman-like. I don't just try to impress when I'm with a girl (which I have been on occasion), I try to be myself, which is perfect. Okay, I'm joking, more like chivilrous, but that's more to how I act. I try to be funny around girls, but I often find myself refraining from flirting mainly due to the fact that they aren't single! I find myself in harsh, unwilling, and unforgiving circumstances to be looking for love in. Relationships used to come and go, but now all the girls want something to last, so who will be left for me?! I want someone close to 18, but give or take a few years is alright I guess. Now, on to life its self:

So, what makes life, life? What is there to live for tomorrow? Do you live from day to day or from time to changing time? When I graduate I generally have some more schooling to look for then years of work then retirement. I want to settle down and have a family. Hell, most people my age already have the half of this if not a little more. Some people, some that I have liked, have a family from what I understand. A lot can happen in one, two, three years, but as for me it's like waking up to almost a rerun. The days seem to drag by and the stress from not changing is unrelenting. I feel at times that I feel horrible due to the fact that my life can't be like others. I don't go out, I don't have a lot of friends and when I call them they're out doing something--that I'm not. I feel like I'm left out A LOT. Summer comes and I don't have a job yet and it looks pretty meger for me getting one at that. I just want to be with someone in a relationship, to hang out. Call me vain, but someone pretty, great to get along with, someone that could talk forever, be mutual at most, and just be perfect. The last one most of you will comment on, "just be perfect," with, "No one's perfect." But, you see, perfect to me is something totally different from you, then again maybe not--see, it's all how you see it, so don't judge me for being different. So, as I was saying, I could sit here and complain all night, but I'm not, so I'm out of here. Hopefully this makes you think of life or the relationship you have and how good it is to be where you're at with who you're with. Don't complain about that person that you "love" because they don't have to be there.

Well, this is me signing off for me. Everyone have a good day/night and come back to read more. "Good-bye!"

PS. My kid sister has a relationship for crying-out-loud!
PSS. Watch Scrubs!!!

--D. J. Moore


Blogger Condemed said...

It's much worse to be in a bad relationship. lol just jokeing, although, you are serious, i feel yours shoes, well for some part, think about what i said wednesday, i can pull some strings if you dont mind the drive. what short strings i have. oh and you have had a girlfriend last year in fact. oh you gave me a great post.

10:52 PM  

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